I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
