I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
