apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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