mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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