why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
