Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
