how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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