i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
