I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
