so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
