my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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