I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
