I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
