Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
