I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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