i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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