Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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