Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
