Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
