Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
