forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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