i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
