You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
