I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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