she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
