Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had sex on a roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
