ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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