Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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