I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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