ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
