if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
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I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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