i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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