READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if only i could text you this smell
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
