be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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