After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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