tonight lets celebrate not being married
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
