Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
