So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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