You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
