I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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