I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
