community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had to cum in my sink.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
