Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
