And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just had sex on a roof
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
