i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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