Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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