I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
