Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
