he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
