This is not my ceiling
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i think i just lost a toe
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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