I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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