Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
