you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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