fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
