I wish my penis had an off switch
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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