you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
