My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
