take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize