he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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