You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
