Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
