Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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