how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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