I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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