two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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