The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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