i think my tv is drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
