Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
