don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just found a bag of teeth...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
