My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
