Already got asked if we're dating
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
