Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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