I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
