Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
