hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Found the puke drawer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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